AB
Affair for a drive.
CABBY Driver for a fare.
CACHINNATION
The hysterical "Ha-Ha." Syn. for Carrie Nation.
CADDIE A small boy, employed at a liberal stipend to lose balls
for others and find them for himself.
CAFE A place where the public pays the proprietor for the
privilege of tipping the waiters for something to eat.
CAJOLE v. t., From Grk. kalos, beautiful, and Eng. jolly, to jolly
beautifully.
CALCIUM An earthly light that brightens even the stars.
CANNIBAL A heathen hobo who never works, but lives on other
people.
CAPTIVATE From Lat. caput, head, and Eng. vacate, or empty,--to
empty the head. Note, Women who have captivated men.
CAPE A neck in the sea.
CAPER A foot in the air.
CARNEGIE-ITIS
A mania for burning money. Contracted in a
Pennsylvania blast furnace, developed in a Scotch castle and now
epidemic in American public libraries.
CART v. t., To take off.
CARTOON The take-off.
CAULIFLOWER A Cabbage with a college education.
CAVALRY That arm of the military service that engages in the real
hoss-tilities.
CEMETERY The one place where princes and paupers, porters and
presidents are finally on the dead level.
CHAMPAGNE The stuff that makes the world go round.
CHAIR Four-legged aid to the injured.
CHARITY Forehanded aid to the indigent.
CHAUFFEUR A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but
clever enough not to own one.
CHRISTIAN A member of any orthodox church.
CHRISTMAS A widely observed holiday on which the past nor the
future is of so much interest as the present.
CHUMP Any one whose opinion differs radically from ours.
CIGARETTE A weed whose smoke, some say, should never be inhaled,
and still more insist should never be exhaled.
CINDER One of the first things to catch your eye in travelling.
CIVILIZATION An upward growth or tendency that has enabled mankind
to develop the college yell from what was once only a feeble war-
whoop.
COLLECTOR A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again.
COLLEGE From Fr. colle, pasted or stuck, and etude, study. A
place where everyone is stuck on study. (?)
COLONEL
A male resident of Kentucky. See KERNEL.
COMPLIMENT v. t., From Eng. con,--hot air, and Lat. pleo, to fill.
Hence, to fill with hot air.
COMPLEXION Color for the face. From Eng. complex, difficult, and
shun, to avoid. To avoid difficulty, buy it of the druggist.
COMMENDATION From Eng. con, a josh, and mend, to fix up. Hence, a
fixed-up josh.
CONDUCTOR From Eng. coin, and Lat. duco, to command. One who
commands the coin.
CONSCIENCE The fear of being found out.
COOK A charitable institution, providing food and shelter for
Policemen.
CORPS A big bunch of fighters. (Dist. bet. cores found in apples
and corps found in arms).
CORSET From Fr. corps, shape, and sec, rough. Rough on the shape.
COSMETIC A new face-maker. From Grk. kosmos, order, and Eng.
medic, or doctor,--ordered by the doctor. (See Complexion.)
COT A snooze for one.
COTILLON A dance for eight.
CREDIT Something for nothing.
CREDITOR Something with nothing.
CREDULITY A feminine virtue and a masculine vice.
CREMATION A means of disposing of the dead likely to become very
popular, especially with women who are so fond of having the last
retort.
CRITIC A wet blanket that soaks everything it touches.
CROOK One who exceeds the speed limit in Law & Order Ave. A
Misfit in the Straight and Narrow Way.
CROW A bird that never complains without caws.
CULTURE A degree of mental development that produces tailor-made
women, fantastically-sheared poodles and dock tailed horses.
CUPID A driver of sharp darts.
CUPIDITY A driver of sharp deals.
CYNIC A man who knows the price of everything and the value of
nothing.