ABBLE
v. t., To play in water.
DABBLE IN STOCKS -- Same thing.
DACHSHUND A low-down dog.
DANCE A brisk, physical exercise, invented by St. Vitus.
DATES A fruit commonly plucked from the Family Tree and spread on
the leaves of history. (Dist. bet. Dates and Peaches, which are
often associated).
DEAD Without life. See Boston.
DEADER Pompeii.
DEADEST Philadelphia.
DEADBEAT One who makes a soft living by sponging it.
DEBT A big word beginning with Owe, which grows bigger the more it
is contracted.
DEE-LIGHTED
An Oyster Bay localism, derived from delighted.
(Patent and Dramatic rights to this word are, until March 4, 1905,
the exclusive property of T. Roosevelt, Esq. Subsequent editions
of The Foolish Dictionary will define the word at length).
DELEGATE From Eng. dally, to loaf, and Fr. gate, spoiled. A
spoiled loafer.
DEMAGOGUE From Grk. demos, people, and Eng. gag. One who gags the
people.
DEMOCRACY A mysterious country, bounded on the east by Richard
Olney, on the west by Willie Bryan, on the north by Dave Hill and
on the south by Bennie Pitchfork Tillman.
DEN A cavity.
DENT To punch.
DENTIST One who punches the face and fills cavities.
DEUCE An honest card, in fact the only one that is never known to
beat tray.
DEVIL
An old rascal mentioned in the Bible, now reported engaged
to Mary McLane.
DIAMOND A bright gem the sparkle of which sometimes renders a
woman stone-blind to the defects of the man proffering it.
DIARY An honest autobiography. A good keepsake, but a bad give-
away.
DIGNITY A narrow, unstable bearing which mental spindle-shanks try
to stand upon when they have no other support.
DICKENS An author; polite term for the devil.
DIE An effect.
DIET Frequently a cause.
DIMPLE A ripple in the gentle whirlpool of a pretty woman's smile.
DIPLOMAT An international liar, with an elastic conscience and a
rubber neck.
DISCOUNT Something often sold in place of goods.
DISCRETION An instinctive perception that enables us to say, "Oh,
shut up!" to the small, weak man, and "I beg your pardon, but I do
not entirely agree with your views," to the large, strong one.
DIVE A gambler's retreat.
DIVIDENDS A gambler's reward.
DIVORCE Nominally, separation of husband and wife from the bonds
of matrimony. In the vicinity of Newport it is frequently a legal
formula that immediately precedes a fashionable wedding.
DOCK A place for laying up.
DOCTOR One who lays you up.
DREAM What a man may call a woman, though a Pill may have
suggested it. Sweethearts are dreams because they seldom come
true; wives, because they're often a night-mare, and both because
they go by contraries.
DRAFT (DRAUGHT) What gives a cold, cures a cold, and pays the
doctor's bill.
DROP-STITCH A kind of feminine hosiery designed to prevent the men
from paying too much attention to the open-work, "peek-a-boo"
shirt-waist.
DRUM Something noisy, and made to beat.
DRUMMER Something noisy, but impossible to beat. From the Grk.
drimus, meaning sharp. Hence, something sharp, that always carries
its point and sticks whoever it can.
DUST Mud with the juice squeezed out.
DYNAMITE
The peroration of an anarchist's argument.
DYSPEPSIA A good foundation for a bad temper