AIR-DRESSER
A linguist whose position in life enables him to do
his head-work with his hands.
HAMMER A small, busy implement carried by blacksmiths, geologists
and Knockers for breaking iron, rock or friendship.
HAMMOCK From the Lat. hamus, hook, and Grk. makar, happy.
Happiness on hooks. Also, a popular contrivance whereby lovemaking
may be suspended but not stopped during the picnic season.
HAND A much desired possession, supplied by The Damsel or The
Dealer. GLAD HAND. The beggar's plea, the politician's sceptre
and the drummer's ablest assistant.
HANDMAIDEN A manicure.
HARANGUE The tiresome product of a tireless tongue. From Eng.
hear, and Lat. angor, pain. Painful to hear.
HARMONY From the Grk. arnumi, strain. Hence, full of strains.
HASH ?
HATCH To develop eggs.
HATCHWAY Place for developing eggs; a hen-coop.
HAY-FEVER A heart trouble caused by falling in love with a grass
widow.
HEARSE Seen on the dead.
HEARSAY Heard on the dead.
HEARSE A handsome vehicle in which the man who has always been a
tail-ender is finally permitted to lead the procession.
HEART A bloody organ, kept in a trunk, played by beats, and
enjoyed only after it is lost or given away
HEAVE To raise.
HEAVEN A good place to be raised to.
HEDGE A fence.
HEDGEHOG One who hogs the fences. A Bill-Poster.
HELL Poverty.
HEREDITY The cause of all our faults. From Fr. here, wretch, and
Eng. ditty, song. The song of the wretched.
HEROISM
A transferable ticket to the Haul of Fame. Once held by
Hobson and Dewey, now carried by Mother Eddy and Brother Dowie.
HIP A popular location for the retail liquor business.
HISTORY The evil that men do.
HIT A chance for first place, first base or first blood.
HOCK v. t. To "soak" what we least need. In Germany, they
generally "Hock the Kaiser."
HOMOEOPATHY See Allopathy.
HOOT MON! The Scottish National Hymn.
HOP To skip.
HOPPER A skipper.
HOPE A desire for better things to come that makes a grass widow
willing to try it again. Also, a draft on futurity, sometimes
honored, but generally extended.
HORN A sharp point.
HORNET Still sharper.
HORSE-SENSE A degree of wisdom that keeps one from betting on the
races.
HOSE Man's excuse for wetting the walk.
HOSIERY Woman's excuse for walking in the wet.
HOTEL A place where a guest often gives up good dollars for poor
quarters.
HOUSECLEANING A domestic upheaval that makes it easy for the
government to enlist all the soldiers it needs.
HUG A roundabout way of expressing affection.
HUMOR An outbreak, either of skin or brains frequently branded as
Rash.
HUNGER Ability to eat in a Night Lunch Cart.
HUSBAND The next thing to a wife. From Eng. hussy, woman, and
bond, tie. Tied to a woman.
HYDRANT From Grk. hudros, water, and Eng. ante, to give up.
Something that gives up water. (A good synonym for Dipsomaniac).
HYPOCRITE A horse dealer. From Grk. hippos, horse, and kroteo, to
beat. One who beats you on a horse trade.