MAGAZINE   A receptacle for explosives, literary or mechanical.
MAGNATE   One who can float capital in a considerable body of water. From Lat. magnus, great, and nator, to swim; a great swimmer.
MAIDEN LADY   A term applied to an old maid by those who wish to avoid hurting her feelings.
MALT   A humble grain which often gets into a ferment, cools off and becomes Stout in its old age.
MAN   Something that "Goes first on four feet, then two feet, then three, but the more feet it goes on the weaker it be!"
MAN-ABOUT-TOWN   One who is on speaking terms with the head waiter.
MANICURE   The only woman who can beat a carpenter at soaking nails.
MANNERS   A difficult symphony in the key of B natural.
MARK   In Germany, twenty-three cents. In the United States, only Twain.
MASCULINE   From Grk. maskos, girl, and eukolos, easy. Easy for the girls.
MASSAGE   A touch, with intent to rub it in.
MATRIMONY   A game for women, in which the unmarried half are trying to find a husband and the married half trying not to be found out by one. Both halves are eminently successful.
MEAL   According to the Liquor Law, a minute bunch of crumbs entirely surrounded by booze.
MEDIUM   A party with one ear in the grave but both hands on your wallet. "Hello, Central! Give me Heaven!"
MELODEON   An alleged musical instrument, popular at home, but unpopular next door. From Eng. melody, and Latin, un, without. Warranted without melody.
MENAGERIE   From Fr. melange, mixture, and Ger. riechen, to smell. A mixture of smells.
MESSENGER BOY   From Eng. miss, to fail, and Lat. engeo, to arrive. One who fails to arrive.
METER   The gas man's trysting place. "Meet her in the cellar!"
MIND   No matter. MATTER   Never mind.
MINE   A hole in the ground owned by a liar.
MINSTREL   A footlight foul that makes its nightly lay in every city.
MIRACLE   A woman who won't talk.
MIST   Generally, a small, light rain. SCOTCH MIST   A cloudburst.
MITTEN   Something a tender-hearted girl gives a young man when she knows she is going to make it chilly for him.
MONEY   Society's vindication of vulgarity.
MONOPOLY   A modern device for impoverishing others. From Grk. monux, swift-footed, and polloi, the people. A swift kick for the people.
MOON   The only lighting monopoly that never made money.
MORTGAGE   From Fr. mort, death, and Eng. gag, to choke. A lawyer's invention for choking property to death.
MOSQUITO   A small insect designed by God to make us think better of flies.
MOTH   An unfortunate acquaintance who is always in the hole. And the only ones who try to get him out are his enemies.
MOUSE
mouse The frequent cause of a rise in cotton.