SADDUCEE   A person holding skeptical religious views. Hopeless, hence sad you see.
SAILOR   A man who makes his living on water but never touches it on shore.
SANDWICH   An unsuccessful attempt to make both ends meat.
SAUSAGE   An aftermath of the dog-days.
SCAFFOLD   A work of art that rarely fails to get a hanging.
SCARECROW   An operator who repeatedly corners corn, without caws.
SCORCHER   A chauffeur in an all-fired hurry.
SCULPTOR   A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.
SELF-MADE   Complimentary term for a respectable crook.
SHAMROCK   A three-time loser as a racer at sea, but a four-time winner as an "ad." for tea--and Sir T.
SHEPHERD   One who depends on a crook for a living.
SHIRT   Every man's bosom friend.
SILVER   A metallic form of opium, smoked by Presidential impossibilities.
SINNER   A stupid person who gets found out.
SNAP   A brisk, energetic quality that enables a man with ginger to take the cake.
SNORE   An unfavorable report from headquarters.
SOROSIS   A female gas company that lays its pipes on cultivated grounds.
SPAGHETTI   A table-dish eaten only by Italians and jugglers. From Lat. spadix, branch, or fork, and gestamen, burden. A burden for the fork.
SPIDER   A busy weaver and a good correspondent, who drops a line by every post.
STARS   The greatest astronomers known, having studded the heavens for ages.
STAYS   A sort of straight-jacket employed in reforming women.
STOCKINGS   Woman's only savings for A Rainy Day.
STOCKS   An unreliable commodity bought and sold by gamblers. If you win, it's an investment; if you lose, a speculation.
STOVE-PIPE
stove-pipe A movable cylinder used as a receptacle for smoke and profanity.
SPRING   Formerly a very delightful season but now obsolete except in poetry and the Old Farmer's Almanac.
SPINSTER   An ember from which the sparks have flown.
SUBWAY   In Boston, a place where one may enjoy continuous disturbance of the peace, disorderly conduct, assault and battery, riot and rebellion. These events are allowed by law, and the entry-fee is five cents.
SUCCESS   A goal usually reached by those who employ their time in cultivating a more definite aim in life rather than in searching for a larger target.
SUMMER   An oppressive and expensive season invented by rural cottage and hotel owners, railroad and steamboat companies and the Iceman.
SUN   A yellow arrival from Way Down East, who goes west daily, operates a heating and lighting trust, draws water, prints pictures, develops crops, liquidates the ice business and tans skins on the side. Profits by his daily rays and always has a shine.
SYMPATHY
sympathy Feeling for others; very noticeable in Blind Man's Buff.
SYNDICATE   A conspiracy to extend the modest business established by Captain Kidd.