Here it is *again* <sigh>. I will ignore all e-mail requests and solicitation of clogs.

monty

My Favorite Oat
a tour-de-force from alt.non.sequitur

Want to get free Cable TV and become semiliterate? This project produces charged ions that critique your style of dress. Patented "SuperHerring" technology acts like a placebo, preventing the need for military assistance.

Three-Step Aluminum Downy Woodpecker Fabrication

1) First you will need a cancerous doughnut to work on. How can you tell if the clergyman's mildew has dovetailed along your slacks? Eat soap and remain amused; a frumpy otter can win you smiles.

2) While the Mongols recoup, massage their sofa beds and wait for the peel-flavored buccaneers to whiffle across the harbor. With a Philips metaphor, tweak the disemboweled address until its bunion is nourished. (If your hamster has become forgetful or syphilitic, you've gone too far).

3) You plucky devil, you're almost scorned. Bicker with the card table and lambaste all those around you. Second, drip-dry any jovial head cold you might have about. Clockwise rotate your frustration from step 2) and you're sterile!

There you have it. With a little guile, you and your forehead can merge into a festering cylinder!