Religion Shit List

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Path: miamiu!miavx1!ohstpy.mps.ohio-state.edu!
pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!math.ohio-state.edu!caen!
usenet.cis.ufl.edu!eng.ufl.edu!saimiri.primate.wisc.edu!ames!
elroy.jpl.nasa.gov!swrinde!cs.utexas.edu!uunet!gwu.edu!oneiros
Newsgroups: rec.humor
Subject: "Religions" List
Message-ID: <2kgkrc$bus@cronkite.seas.gwu.edu>
From: oneiros@seas.gwu.edu (Joe Hourcle)
Date: 23 Feb 1994 22:20:27 GMT
References: <1994Feb23.044034.83418@yuma7gt; <1994Feb23.053344.42243@yuma>
Organization: George Washington University
NNTP-Posting-Host: 128.164.16.1
Lines: 90

A Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List

Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor -pray.
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvanism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.

|-o-|

Taoism:	Shit happens.
Confucianism:	Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism:	If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism:	Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2:	What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism:	This shit has happened before.
Islam:	If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2:	If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3:	If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism:	If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism:	Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian:	This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian:	It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist:	It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist:	Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian:	Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran:	If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism:	If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2:	If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3:	Shit must be born again.
Judaism:	Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism:	Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism:	No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism:	God made all shit.
Secular Humanism:	Shit evolves.
Christian Science:	When shit happens, don't call a doctor -pray.
Christian Science #2:	Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism:	Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers:	Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism:	This shit does not stink.
Darwinism:	This shit was once food.
Capitalism:	That's MY shit.
Communism:	It's everybody's shit.
Feminism:	Men are shit.
Chauvanism:	We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism:	Let's package this shit.
Impressionism:	From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism:	Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism:	Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2:	What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism:	This shit is good for me.
Hedonism:	There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism:	God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2:	This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan:	An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology:	If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses:	>Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2:	May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3:	Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies:	Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna:	Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism:	Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism:	Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius:	BoB shits.
Practical:	Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic:	Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2:	Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3:	What is this shit?
Satanism:	SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism:	What shit?
Atheism #2:	I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism:	No shit.