Aaaugh! - a humor archive
15 Famous Sports Quotes

  1. 1992--Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

  2. 1987--Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four Fs and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

  3. 1982--Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

  4. 1996--Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

  5. 1981--Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."

  6. 1966--Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries this season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"

  7. 1981--Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts, after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time."

  8. 1991--Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."

  9. 1986--Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints general manager, when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."

  10. 1991--Alan Kulwicki, stock-car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker."

  11. 1996--Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."

  12. 1991--Jim Colletto, Purdue football coach and former assistant at Arizona State and Ohio State, on his 11-year-old son's reaction after he took the job with the Boilermakers: "He said, 'Gosh, Dad, that mean's we're not going to any more bowl games.'"

  13. 1986--LaVell Edwards, BYU football coach and one of 14 children: "They can't fire me because my family buys too many tickets."

  14. 1991--Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you: Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, " 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

  15. 1991--Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."


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