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Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
From: motzie@netcom.com (Ken Hovanes)
Subject: Super diet?
This diet came from the Society for Keeping Your Diet to Yourself - used for people who are sick of everyone talking about stupid system cleansing fad diets. Please distribute freely, especially to those people who just won't quit talking about their diet.
BASIC FAT SOUP (Stay very close to a toilet the first day or so!)
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1 cup of bacon grease 4 large avocados 3 tins of tuna oil 2 cups of sugar * Water |
1 or 2 tablespoons of pepper 1 pound of cashews (optional) 1 quart of condensed milk 1 jar of Chicken Bullion cubes |
Warm bacon grease until it's thinned, mix in pepper. Slice avocados, and mix with condensed milk. Heat avocados and milk until boiling, add sugar and tuna oil. Crush cashews and mix with bacon grease, and put on medium heat. (if you choose, you may season with lard, butter or beef fat.) After heating the cashews for 10 minutes, reduce heat to simmer and stir in the avocado mixture. Continue cooking until the avocados are mushy. Dissolve in bullion cubes. This soup can be eaten anytime you are hungry. Eat as much as you want, whenever you want. This soup will not only add calories, but will put weight on you faster than deep fried butter sticks. The more you eat, the more you will gain. Fill a thermos in the morning if you will be away during the day! CAUTION: If the soup is eaten alone for indefinite periods, you will explode.
DAY ONE: All Meats except lean Roast Beef
Lean pork, and skinless chicken are lower in fat than most meats. Try to
avoid them. If you must eat chicken, make sure it's breaded and deep fried
in lard. Eat only meats with lots of fat on the edges. Remember to clean
your plate, chew that fat. For drinks, only whole milk, slurpees, and jolt
cola.
DAY TWO: All Potatoes
Eat until you are stuffed with all the fresh, baked potatoes you can cram
down your throat. But don't just eat them plain. Have a baked potato with
cheddar cheese, sour cream, butter, bacon and chives. Have a variation, try
to eat as many potatoes as you can, then do shooters of sour cream. At dinner
time today, reward yourself with a cheese cake. Do not eat any fruits!
DAY THREE: Eat all the food you can find
Knock over a candy machine, eat all the candy you can find. Rob a doughnut
shop, take all the fresh ones theyve got! Try to consume an entire devils
food cake. If you have eaten for three days as above, and have not cheated,
you will find that you have moved up 4 to 7 sizes.
DAY FOUR: Bananas and Ice Cream (along with the soup)
Eat as many as three bananas splits, and drink as many glasses of cream
as you can today along with the soup. Bananas are high in calories and
carbohydrates and so is the cream, but on this particular day, your body
will need the potassium and the carbohydrates, proteins, and calcium to
process all the fat you will take in tomorrow.
DAY FIVE: Sweets, Sweets and Sweets (along with the soup)
You may have 20 - 30 pieces of chocolate. Preferably eat along with 10,
8 oz. Cadbury fruit and nut choc. bars. In addition, order a 90 piece gift
box of chocolates from Sees Candies, after all, you deserve it. Try to
drink at least 6 - 8 expressos. You will need the caffeine to get you through
the day. Eat at least 5 cups of the soups today.
DAY SIX: Wendys Hamburgers and Chili (along with the soup)
Eat to your hearts content with Wendys Triple burgers, extra large french
fries, and chili. You can even have two or three steaks if you would like with
ice cream, but if you do, you have to eat 5 stuffed baked potatoes. Be sure
to eat the soup at least four times today.
DAY SEVEN: Chocolate
Again, stuff yourself, but eat only white chocolate. As a treat, eat a pie.
But do NOT forget the salad, eat a fresh salad covered in Thousand Island
dressing, with cheese and eggs. Be sure to have the soup at least 3 times
today.
At the end of the seventh day, if you have not cheated on the above diet,
you will have gained about 8-10 sizes. If you have gained more than 15
sizes, start the diet again right away.
If you have only gained a few sizes, you aren't trying hard enough. Remember, resume at Day ONE.
This seven day eating plan can be used as often as you like. As a matter of fact, if correctly followed, it will fill your system with impurities and give you a feeling of hugeness as never before!!
After only seven days of this process, you will begin to feel bigger by at least 15 pounds, having an abundance of energy. Continue this plan as long as you wish and feel the difference. It is NOT recommended that a person stay off this diet longer than one month. Remember, sit at home and don't move. Exercise is a big no-no.
This diet is fattening and the secret is that you will never burn more calories than you take in. It will flush your system of health, and give you a feeling of hugeness like never before; this diet does allows the dieter to drink as much alcohol at desired. As a matter of fact, it's encouraged.
Because everyone has a different digestive system, this diet will affect everyone differently. After day three, you will have less energy than when you began if you do not cheat. After being on the diet for several days, you will find your bowel movements have changed, (become huge) - drink a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
DEFINITE NO NO'S: Low fat food. Diet Drinks, and of course skim milk.
For drinks: stick with coke, fresh cream, clarified butter, whole milk and coffee/w cream&sugar.