How To Write a Rap/House/Disco Song

Article 350 of rec.humor.funny.reruns:
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns
From: brendan@otc.otca.oz.au (Brendan Jones)
Organization: OTC, Syndey, Aus
Subject: How to write a Rap/House/Disco song
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Keywords: computer, chuckle, offense=rapsingers, originally appeared in second q uarter, 1990
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Date: Mon, 4 Aug 97 19:20:03 EDT
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How To Write a Rap/House/Disco Song

LYRICS:

Simply take one word or phrase from each of the three columns below, in order to make one line. Repeat randomly four times. Repeat process again twice to make chorus. Repeat last line 17 times. Don't worry if they don't make sense.

Column 1
Move it
Get Up
Pump It Up
Get Down
Shake it
Pump the Jam

Column 2
Triple Beat
Body Heat
Feel the Beat
Get Around
The Joint Is Jumpin
Feet are Stompin

Column 3
The City Streets
You'll be Humpin
Before the Night is Over
Shake your Meat
Bustin Loose
Disco Heat

BACKBEAT:

Program a drum machine in neverending 4/4 time. Add occasional snare.

BODY:

Add monotonous bass in one key. Overlay with punchy sounding synth. Get previously unknown singer to talk the lyrics so as not to test the range of the vocal chords.

PRODUCTION:

Put above ingredients together on master tape. Press discs. Give the label a suitably techno-funk sounding name, like "Mixmastermeatbeaters". Sell 5 million copies to unsuspecting public. Win MTV Award.

The sad thing is the public will *think* you've been creative...

Better still, this process can be automated via a lyric C program, a random synth base and music generator, and the discs mastered directly by computer control.

This relieves the composer of decisions regarding which phrases and notes to use in production. By pressing the <RET> key, more than 100 CD's a week can be generated.

This I have done, below is a sample composition guaranteed to make megabucks:
"Get down" by Mixmastermeatbeaters

Get down the joint is jumpin' you'll be humpin'
Shake it feet are stompin' in the city streets
Pump the jam feel the beat with disco heat
Move it get around 'til the night is over

(chorus) Get down to triple beat shake your meat
Pump it up get around in the city streets

Pump the jam to triple beat you'll be humpin'
Shake it get body heat 'til the night is over
Get up the joint is jumpin' you'll be humpin'
Pump it up feet are stompin' I'm bustin loose

(chorus) Get down to triple beat shake your meat
Pump it up get around in the city streets

Pump it up get around in the city streets
Pump it up get around in the city streets
Pump it up get around in the city streets
etc..

Note that this is indistinguishable from the human generated version.

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