Top Ten Reasons to Quit Your Acting Career

by Alan Meiss, ameiss@indiana.edu

  1. Your gorilla suit is beginning to chafe.
  2. You biggest part so far has been clip number thirty-eight in a free Sports Bloopers video.
  3. You're famous among Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans.
  4. You've become typecast as "Stiff Number Three".
  5. The public knows you only as "that lady in the diaper commercial."
  6. Morton Downey, Jr., refused your next role.
  7. You've yet to play your own gender or species.
  8. You have to rent your own costumes.
  9. You're known as the "King of the Mexican Drive-in".
  10. The producer's nephew dubbed your dialogue as an assignment for his drama class.