Top Twelve Swell Features of Eigenmann Hall Dormitory

1. Not all of the cockroaches are of the large hissing variety.
2. Neighbors so generous as to share their musical tastes with several entire floors of other residents.
3. Personal discovery of new species Drisophola Alanogaster and Hymenoptera Eigenmannidae in own room.
4. Far removed from hustle and bustle of actual campus, yet conveniently located near late-night rail freight service.
5. Quality time spent studying antique carpet during long crawls to bathroom.
6. Ability to recreate thrills and excitement of hit movie Outbreak by peering inside fetid interior of air conditioning system as it produces own soundtrack on a percussion theme.
7. Shrewd fiscal responsibility shown by management in obtaining furnishings and occasional dietary supplements from roadside of Highway 37.
8. Invigorating icy drafts easily penetrate windows and electrical outlets to simulate romantic winters in a rustic alpine chalet.
9. Scintillating smorgasbord of aromas produced by unique diversity of hygiene habits among residents.
10. Majestic exterior and sumptuous room interiors evocative of Novosibirsk Miners' Living Facility No. 47.
11. Crack team of maintenance personnel rumored to be contemplating completion of several work orders before return of glaciers.
12. Water level in submerged parking lot seldom high enough to cause ink to run on parking tickets.