Top Ten Least Encouraging Pieces of News

1. The parachute company says you'll get a full refund.
2. They say the house didn't float very far.
3. We're all inspired that you go on living each day.
4. The operation left you twenty pounds lighter.
5. The roaches hardly touched your other eyebrow.
6. With the lights out it looks almost normal.
7. Jim Rose wants you for his show.
8. The reward for your capture has reached fifty thousand dollars.
9. The surgeons would like to take some pictures.
10. The thieves left the lawn gnomes.