Uncle Al's Big Book of FUN!

Hey kids! It's your buddy here, Uncle Al, with a big book chock full of fun stuff that *you* can do! Yes, you can be a BONA FIDE MEMBER of Uncle Al's FUN CLUB! Just remember, all this fun isn't for everyone, so let's keep Uncle Al's Club a secret! Don't tell any Big People about our club, or this Secret Fun Book. If they find it, be sure to tell them it fell off a truck. Now, if you've read all these secret instructions, tear out this first page and eat it. Then it's Fun Ahoy with your Uncle Al!

Fun Projects YOU Can Do!

Do you like crafts? Do you like making things? Then it's Fun Ahoy with these swell projects for Uncle Al Junior Craftsmen!

1. Cut out all the little green presidents in Daddy's wallet. Now glue them to the wall. Then take a big marker and draw mustaches on all the presidents. Don't they look funny?

2. Do you like costumes? Want to dress up as your very own Super Hero? Well here's what to do! First you'll need a cape, and curtains are great for capes. If you pull on them hard enough, they'll come down. Of course, just a cape isn't nearly enough, you need to look Really Super. Take a bottle of glue, pour it on your head, and smear it around, just like shampoo. Now take a big tube of glitter, and pour that on your head, too. Be sure to smear it around! Now find the biggest marker you can (the big black ones that say PERMANENT are best!) and draw cool tattoos all over yourself! Be sure to write naughty words on your face, like KISS MY BUTT on each of your cheeks. Now you're a SUPER Hero! Won't Mommy and Daddy be impressed!

3. Record burps on Mommy and Daddy's tapes. Be sure to stick some gum in the little hole on the top of the cassette so they'll still record! Take the ones you don't like upstairs, hold on to just the little ribbon on each one, and throw the case out the window. Whizzzzzzzzz! Isn't that fun!

4. Hide the neighbors' kitty and make a ransom note with letters cut out of your school books.

5. Find Daddy's razor in the bathroom and shave the dog. Can you even spell out words?

6. Be an artist! Wouldn't it be fun to paint? Try painting funny messages on Mommy and Daddy's cars, like PICK MY BOOGERS or POLICE. Then try painting funny faces on the neighbors' windows! Use lots of different colors.

Fun Things to Investigate!

Hey kids! Do you like puzzles and mysteries? Do you like finding things out? Then maybe *you're* ready to be an...

--==[ Uncle Al Young Investigator! ]==--

Okay gang, it's time to investigate! See how many of these mysteries *you* can solve!

1. How many raisins will fit in your nose?
2. Does lint burn?
3. What's inside a globe?
4. Will the vacuum cleaner work on the lawn?
5. Will the lawnmower work on the living room rug?
6. How loud can you scream? Which rooms have an echo?
7. What happens when you feed chocolate to the dog?
8. How many glasses would it fill when you pee?
9. What does whiskey taste like?
10. How far can you:
    • spit?
    • blow your nose?
    • pee?
    • squirt mustard?
11. What things bounce? Are you sure? From how high up?
12. How many pieces of gum can you chew at once?

Oodles 'o Fun Things to Do:

You can't possibly be bored when you could be doing all of these Fun Things:

• Hide Mommy and Daddy's car keys.
• Fill out and mail all those little cards in magazines.
• Build the tallest tower you can with dishes and glasses.
• Pour all the shampoo into one bottle.
• Call people with funny names and ask for their credit card numbers.
• Take as many pictures as you can of your feet.
• Pour the stuffing in your beanbag chair into a fan.
• Stomp on little ketchup packs.
• Tear the last page out of books.
• Melt diskettes in the toaster.
• Pour jello mix in the potty.
• Set all the clocks to your favorite time.
• Shake up all the soda pop. Now open it in the living room.
• Saw things.
• Hide eggs.
• Eat all the cupcake sprinkles.
• Roll Daddy's bowling ball down the stairs.
• Fill the bathtub with enough dirt to plant a little garden.
• Fill all the bowls and glasses in the kitchen with water and put them back in the cabinets.
• Drill holes in your floor so you can see downstairs.
• Try wearing all your clothes at once.
• Lick all of Mommy and Daddy's stamps.
• Use a screwdriver to start a screw collection.
• Bury as many things as you can in the back yard.
• Squirt out all the toothpaste and try to get it back in.
• Wear your clothes backwards.
• Hang all your clothes on trees outside.
• Pull the garden hose through your window and build a fountain.
• Use the paper puncher to decorate all your clothes with lots of little holes.
• Wash yourself in the washing machine.
• Play with the tv controls until all the people are purple and green.
• Turn on *everything* in the house.
• Pour talcum powder in the hair dryer and turn it on.

Hey Kids! Want to make some money? Sure, we all do! Then maybe you can be an...

--=| Uncle Al Junior Fundraiser! |=--

First, put on your oldest clothes, especially old pants that have holes and are much too short. Roll around a little bit in the garden to look Extra Grubby. Now knock on all the neighbors' doors and ask for money. Be sure to tell them that you had to sell your toys for food, and that you're cold from sleeping in the car. Maybe they'll even give you cookies! But if this doesn't work, why not try a Big Garage Sale? While Mommy and Daddy are at work, take everything you can find outside and put it on the driveway. Put little price stickers on everything, like "35 CENTS" on Daddy's watch. Now sell it all! Be sure to put up signs so people can find your Big Sale!

Fun Things to Cook

Hey kids, do you like to cook neat stuff? You do? Then maybe you can be an Uncle Al Super Chef! You can start by mixing up a hearty batch of...

--==[ Uncle Al's Home Remedy ]==--

Ingredients:

• 4 tablespoons Tabasco juice
• 1/2 stick of butter
• 4 tablespoons concentrated lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon green food coloring
• 2 tablespoons horseradish sauce
• 1 teaspoon pepper
• 1 tablespoon laxative
• 1 egg
• 1 tablespoon vinegar
• 1 tablespoon rum

That's all for today, kids! Fun Ahoy!