The Legend of the Porta-potty

The following alleged story was related to me by a friend who worked at a county fair in a small town near here. Many of the summer workers at the fairground were school kids from the nearby local high school. They did just enough work to not get thrown out and spent the remainder of the time raising the most hell possible. The rest of the local kids, particularly the ones with wealthy parents and no need or desire for employment, liked to go to the fair and "lord it over" the ones working. One of them, whom I'll call Blake, simply because I dislike the name, brought it to the attention of the management that their high-spirited help was adding various bodily secretions to the menu items at one of the snack bars. About five of the kids were fired, and bore Blake a substantial grudge. Both the sullen ex- employees and Blake spent the rest of the day at the fair, and Blake, lacking discretion, teased them over getting fired at every encounter.

As at any county fair or vaguely rural gathering, there were a long line of porta-johns at the outskirts. These were particularly rank porta-johns, as it was Saturday and the only maintenance they had received for the week were the occasional role of fresh paper chucked through the door. Their contents had been simmering in humid July heat for quite a while, and only the brave or desperate went near. Towards closing time, the five firees, still rather upset, saw Blake head for the porta-johns, and they made their move. It was late and dark by that time, with most of the fair-goers gone, and the five tailed Blake to the facilities and saw him go inside one. With no one nearby and watching, they ran up behind the porta-john and tipped it over frontwards onto its door. There was a giant slosh and a muffled scream as umpteen gallons of rancid waste enveloped Blake, who was trapped inside. The kids ran off, leaving him with no escape, since the weight of the porta-john made the door impossible to open. Blake spent the next several days (which were notably hot and humid) simmering in the noxious porta-john, and was not discovered until the fair reopened on Tuesday morning. It's not known exactly what happened to him; I gather he switched schools and paid frequent visits to a local dermatologist thereafter, though I prefer the rumor that he turned to a life of crime, much as the Joker did after he emerged from a vat of chemicals. In any case, he could never i.d. my friend, who was one of the five.


Well...ok, it didn't happen, but it makes a great story. Alan Meiss, ameiss@indiana.edu